princessarthur

I’m frustrated beyond words.  TOM is lurking and perhaps that has gotten the better of me.  Or perhaps it is the facts…..that I have been eating pretty good, averaging 11K and 1 hr of exercise per day for 7 LONG weeks and have only lost 1 lbs?  I mean what the heck?  We’re doing a health challenge at work and all us CSRs wear pedometers and are competing as a team for the most weight lost, the most hours of exercise and the most steps.  In 7 weeks I have exercised 2900 minutes and walked 546,390 steps.  I drink plenty of water, eat plenty of fruits and veggies and unprocessed foods.  And I mix up the exercise….I do 20-30 min of turbo jam Mon - Fri before breakfast.  After work I take an hour class at the gym, Kickbox Jam, Strictly Strength, Cardio Blast, Strike, Latin Fusion.  I keep it different to keep it fresh and the body challenged.   Honestly I just want to cry and have a snickers bar.  I am sore but keep pushing through my workouts.  I’m hungry but have a glass of water.  I’m tired of being sore and hungry and feeling like I have nothing to show for it. 

 Thanks for anyone who stopped to read my whine….I’m off to eat another salad for lunch : (

I’m just getting over the flu but have reached whatever I needed to within myself to say enough! 

I spent the weekend getting the apartment in order and today I started getting me in order.  I had my black coffee, farmed on facebook, fed the kitties, cleaned litterboxes, unloaded the dishwasher, packed lunch….and put on my workout clothes and did a 20 min turbo jam followed by power 90 200 abs……then I stepped on the scale.  Something I have not done in AGES!  It is not good….back to 220.  I almost tried to rationalize it remembering hearing someplace that your body always gravitates back to a weight it is comfortable with.  NO MORE EXCUSES!

I am hungry but I am more disgusted by what looks back at me in the mirror.  I thought as I stepped on the scale that awful piece of equipment was my enemy.  I’ve often thought it was food or the mirrow.  It hit me this morning as I stepped off the scale how much I like the scale when I was 150, 160 and even 170 wasn’t bad.  I realized the enemy is ME.  Even when I was 150 and my friends and coworkers were concerned feeling I was too thin I saw fat.  I would point out every stretch mark and inch I could pinch.

So I begin again knowing that I can exercise, that I can eat right but that until I really know and value my own self and worth it is pointless and futile.  Admitting that is difficult but refreshing.  I know there will be lots of tears and harsh realizations along the way but I’m ready for this journey.

Had a lovely weekend with my hubby.  Weather was good enough to finish the last stop on our Abate Tour Book… an interesting windmill museum in Kendallville, In.  A brisk 290 miles round trip.  Home to head right back out to meet up with some of our Abate friends.  Sunday church and then getting the house ready for family company.  Awoke this morning happy for the day.  Is there something really wrong with me that I looked forward to work?  I am nearly so entirely content in all aspects of my life except for my physical being.  I love my husband, my job, our life, our church, our wonderful friends.  It is such a full and pleasant existance.  I’m so very happy and thankful for all that fills my days and nights except for my physical being.  So what stops me?  Holds me back?  Keeps me from being what I once was?  Does the food really taste that good?  Do I really need that 2nd helping?  Can’t I just say “no” to my hubby’s deep fryer.  Why?  Perhaps when and if I can answer this question I can once again move forward and reclaim the physical I desire? 

about darn time TOM.  Grrr to whatever is going on with my body.  Kerry too is on the mend….he’s been to all 3 of his drs in the last 7 days or so.  Blood tests show his bs remains out of control, other blood work showed anemia, sinus infection and upper gi revealed a lesion explaining the blood in the vomit.  They biopsied something during the gi and waiting for those results which I’m sure will be delayed with the holidays.   Kerry’s brother is coming in for Thanksgiving and the drama has already started even before his plane lands.  So much to do for his arrival but vicodin for TOM has left me less than energized. 

Thanks to everyone who read and commented on my last blog.  It is good to be back and I’m beginning to feel that old exercise itch.

you’ve been haunting the recesses of my very full mind these last few months.  What has kept me away…..the end of riding season, becoming more active in our church, my husband losing his job, I lost my job, job hunting, my hubby getting on the insulin pump and all the training that went with that, and sicknesses.  And the worse part is….the sickness for myself and my husband stems from not being healthy.  In truth any excuse it seems like.  My body seems to be fighting me since my illnesses last October and resulting surgery in April.  My female cycle is a mess and it seems to have taken my mind and spirit with it into a spiraling maze of confusion, exhaustion, and a complete lack of motivation.  Perhaps the accountability of my dear BS will get me charged and moving again?  I pray and hope it does.  As I start back on my journey, I am probably heavier than ever and here it is day 32 and I feel all the symptoms and yet wait.  I attempt efforts at health….I pack a healthy lunch and my gym clothes are in the car but I never seem to make that turn off to the gym.  Maybe it will be today?

Thank you Marc for your blog today on weight lifting.  Today is normally my “strictly strength” class which is a resistance training class but only uses light dumbbells, a weighted bar, and resistance bands.  So I got to the gym early tonight and hoped on the treadmill for a quick 15 minutes.  While I was walking (I didn’t have my mp3 player) I remembered Marc’s blog and was inspired.  Since getting back at it I’ve avoided the weights and focused on cardio. So I hit the weights and it felt awesome!!!!  I did a full body workout of 2 sets of 12-15 reps…..inc chest press, flys, seated rows, leg press, leg extension, seated leg curl, calf raises, abductor and aductor, torso twists, shoulder press, lat raises, rear delt, tricep extensions, bicep curls.  I finished it up with another 15 min on the treadmill.  Amazing what a change can do to help my mood.  Came home and made a salad of romaine, yellow tomato, avocado, and grilled chicken breast….yummy!  Overall a win win day!

I think my weekends are just destined to suck on the nutrition and exercise front.  Other than that the weekend was great.  Charity ride on Saturday had a huge turnout…..at least 150 motorcycles and we did blocking for most of the intersections which meant lots of speed.  This was great to help cool off after sitting still while all the bikes passed.  The day started at 7am and it was going on 7pm when we got home and we left long before the gig was over.  Only redemption was that I had premade dinner (chicken with mushrooms, tomato in a marinara sauce over pasta) to warm when we got home home so that we could skip the “hog”.  First half of Sunday was spent at church…..2 hour ministry class and church.  Lunch was a buffet…..no need to say anything else right? 

But here it is Monday and I’m already back to clean eating and logged 1 hr turbo jam……can I truly make any progress like this?  TOM is sulking in the recesses ready to spring and I’m craving chocolate and salt…..going to be a long week!!!

So I get to the gym, change and head to studio 1 for my kickbox jam class.  I love my Friday workouts….look forward to it the most because the gym is almost empty.  So I get to studio 1 and there is a sign on the door apologizing for the inconvenience but class is cancelled.  I just starred at the sign numb.  So do I go home?  Yay, go spend the evening with my hubby.  But that little voice in the back of my head says there is a zumba class at the same time in studio 2.  And I remember Nancy speaking so passionately about her zumba classes…….so I walked over to studio 2 and an hour later walked out dripping with sweat.  So thank you to Nancy and the little voice in my head.  I got my workout in and a new experience under my belt. 

So it is 5 days till TOM and frankly for me it is not TOM that rips me it is PMS.  Nearly as soon as I rolled out of bed this morning I knew I’d be riding my broom and I don’t like that me.  I don’t like that I can’t control that need to bite the heads off of nails or to want and hurt my husband.  So when I stepped on the scale and it didn’t budge I could feel the brew commence to bubbling.  I wanted it to be 198 so I could see a 20 lb loss.  My ankles and hands are tight with water….did I really expect the scale would be down?  I’m freaking lucky it wasn’t up even though the week so far has been stellar with lots of exercise and clean eating. 

Busy weekend again….ride tomorrow proceeds to benefit a fellow ABATE member who needs a liver transplant, have homework to do for our ministry class before church on Sunday…..and somehow need to find time to clean, grocery shop, laundry.  Hoping I can get up and exercise before the ride tomorrow and am planning on taking my own roll for the hog roast, going to freeze a yogurt for breakfast, and have some cantaloupe……now to have the discipline to eat it and not whatever they’ll have that always smells so darn good.  What is it about grills and good smells? 

 Thank you to all my buddies who take the time to read my ramblings and post.  Your encouragement is appreciated and valued.  Have a wonderful weekend all!

Thank you for all the well wishes on the job interview and for liking my blog yesterday.  I’m uncertain as to how the interview went.  It was my first in nearly 13 years and I am beyond rusty.  I also spoke with his assistant (the gal I would be replacing) very briefly yesterday afternoon (she had no questions because she’d not talked to Jim since our mtg) and she said her or Jim would get back to me.  I’m hoping I didn’t put Jim off during our meeting…..he said he took pleasure in txting his trainer that he couldn’t make their session that morning and I replied that I’m my own trainer and still knocked out my workout.  Not that exact wording or nearly anywhere as condensing. Sometimes I just can’t help my mouth.  It hits my brain and is out my mouth before I know what happened.  My co-worker said I’m missing the sensor that most folks are born with.  Anyway, I sent the f/u thank you email but so far nothing.  So it is in God’s hands and what will be is His will. 

Been a great week for nutrition and exercise.  Somehow I’ve gotten my calories down to around 1200 which I thought was too insanely low but I’m not hungry so….  I think I’ve reached the point where I am “committed” to my workouts.  Tonight should be an Abate meeting but I told my hubby to go ahead without me that I’m going to the gym.  Also kicked up Billy this morning by adding hand weights to my taebo workout.  I love starting my days with Billy!!!

Is it ok to make your workouts that much of a priority?  To avoid making plans during the week cause you don’t want to miss one?  No one I know works out or even has a gym membership so I can’t combine social into my workouts.  Comments?  Suggestions?